February 13, 2011
Those in pursuit of career advancement know the importance of putting the best foot forward in every step of networking, interviewing and “onboarding” once they obtain the new role.
Yet, when searching for romance, it is easy to slip into sloppy personal habits -- feeling you are relaxed, off-duty from work and displaying characteristics that merit self-examination.
With technology, access to other candidates is easier than in earlier times. Selectors are pickier because they can be. Thus, the same behavior that derails one's candidacy for a job can also wreck prospects for a courtship.
Being Late. Would you ever consider being late for a job interview? Of course not! Likewise, keeping a date waiting is dangerous grounds for elimination. It sends a signal of narcissism and a lack of respect for others.
Diva! The date starts as soon as you leave your home or near the destination. Any snappish behavior to cab drivers, valet parkers or wait staff will be noticed. Points will be deducted. Be nice to everyone!
Rants about the Dating Process. The phenomenon of on-line dating has bred a very bad habit -- rounds of anecdotes about the frustrations and comedies of match.com, eHarmony, etc. This is a very unflattering opener and poor use of time. Would you ever devote precious minutes of a job interview complaining about the process? Would an interviewer ever make fun of the previous candidate? Never!
Dissing the Ex. Ditto discussions about the former spouse or significant other. The rule of thumb in “interview-speak” is to describe previous positions as “a wonderful opportunity, but I was ready for a new challenge.” Again, why would you spend valuable minutes describing something negative -- a life experience that was not successful?
Talking Too Much. Be a well and not a fountain. As in an interview, come prepared with lots of questions to put the focus on the other person. Babbling on about oneself gives the impression of being self-centered. And, of course, you’re not. Right?
Inappropriate Attire. Dress for the occasion and never “over-dress.” Your goal is to look like a potential spouse.
Too Much Fragrance. Lots of people have allergies. Your date might be one of them. Create a neutral packaging and don’t give someone a reason to de-select you.
Re-Engineering the Menu. Be decisive when ordering, whether a date or interview meal. Do not parse the entree and request that the chef do a recipe re-do – with everything “on the side.” If you are impossible to please, who would want to sign up for a full-time hitch?
Foul Language. Keep it clean. Imagine that your date’s boss or mother is in tow.
Getting into a Debate. No arguing! Do not let the conversation gravitate to a heated discussion of differing opinions. Focus on finding areas of commonality.
Negativity. Avoid criticism of others. When women complain and go negative in a conversation, my husband categorizes it as being judgmental. Stifle your inner pickiness and focus on the joy of the possibilities!
Now you're well on your way to finding The Perfect Fit. Happy Valentine's Day to all!